Episode 47: What They Don’t Tell You About Being a Principal: Leadership, Isolation, and the Power of Community

The principal’s chair looks different from the inside. We pull back the curtain on the quiet costs of leadership—why accountability requires real boundaries, why the job can feel isolating even in a busy building, and how to replace that isolation with a resilient network that actually gets it. Through candid stories and concrete examples, we map out the habits that keep leaders steady: clear communication, consistent expectations, and the courage to tell your school’s story before others write it for you.

You’ll hear how conversations with standout educators sparked practical changes you can implement right away. From piloting Magic School AI to save teachers time, to leaning into clarity so staff and students know the plan, to building a positive social media presence that reflects the real work happening on campus, we break down what moved the needle. We also talk about podcasts as free professional development and how growing a learning community can lead to surprising opportunities like conference presentations and guest trainings.

If you’re a principal, an assistant principal, or a teacher eyeing the big chair, consider this an honest field guide. We share the missteps, the pivots, and the wins—so you can lead with less guesswork and more confidence. Walk away with strategies to set boundaries without losing heart, build a network that keeps you grounded, and drive a culture where clarity lowers stress and amplifies learning. If this resonates, share it with a colleague who could use a boost, then subscribe and leave a review so more leaders can find it.

Episode 14: Principal Mo

Episode 18: Angela Kelly

Episode 21: Dr. Joe Sanfelippo

Episode 31: Dr. Darrin Peppard

Episode 36: Casey Watt

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Chapters

• 1:59 Setting The Stage: Hidden Realities
• 3:05 Leadership Boundaries And Isolation
• 5:28 Building A Principal Network
• 7:16 Lessons From Podcast Guests
• 11:39 Clarity, Storytelling, And Culture
• 14:04 Podcasting As Free Professional Development
• 16:43 New Opportunities From Networking

Transcript

Principal JL: 1:00

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be a principal? And maybe you're that teacher out there or that leader out there that's thinking about getting into the principalship. Maybe you're an assistant principal that's been a principal for a while, but you're thinking about maybe stepping into the building principal role. Well, that's what this episode's about. This episode's going to explore what they don't tell you about being a principal. And these are coming from my personal experiences. We'll talk about leadership, isolation in the power community, and the things that I've learned that I want to share with you. So if you ever step into this seat, you're not blindsided by the fact that these things are things you need to know about and things that you need to be able to prepare for and be able to understand when you sit in the seat of a principal ship. I hope you guys enjoy this episode. Now let's get to the show. Today we're diving into something real, something that every building principal eventually learns the hard way. It's not in leadership manuals, it's not in your coursework, and it's not something people talk about openly at new principal workshops. Today we're talking about the things you're not prepared for when you step into the role of building principal. See, when you become a building principal, you know you're responsible for leading your school. You know you have to build a culture where teachers, staff, assistant principals, activity directors, and students can thrive. But there's often things that are overlooked. As the leader, you also have to separate yourself from those that you lead. Yes, this is probably the hardest part about being a building principal, is when you have to separate yourself between the people that you lead and your role. Because you can be friendly, but you can't really be their friends. And the way I understand this or to help you understand this is as a building principal, I'm in charge of people holding them accountable. And if I'm friends with people, and it's gonna be a lot harder to hold people accountable because as a friend, they're gonna want you to maybe have favor in them or want them to look past some things, but you can't do that in your leadership role. So that's where when you do this role and leadership, you have to be objective. There will be tough conversations, hard calls, and moments where responsibility outweighs your relationships. And when those lines get blurred, things can get really messy really quick. That's why, even in big schools, I've been a small rural school principal, and I've also been in a larger district as a principal. This is why you feel that isolation. Because no matter what role you're in, if you're in a small school or a big school, being a principal is a tough job. And part of the job is be able to hold people accountable when you need to, and you have to sometimes not be friends with people because you got to be able to hold that person accountable. And I think that's the hardest part about being a principal, but people really don't talk about. So, with that, don't worry though. When you work in isolation, a lot of times, there are things you can do so you're not so alone or so you're not feeling so isolated. So, what I want you guys to do is I want you to be able to create a community of principal networking. Okay, you have to network in this job. I thought at the beginning when I started being a principal that I could do it on my own. I thought, you know, I don't need to network, I don't have time for it. I if I leave my building, the building's gonna explode. I had all these thoughts go in my head. But you have to network, you need people who get it, you need people who understand the weight of your position and what you're doing. No staff member, no parents, no students will understand your role because they have not been in that seat. Even your spouse will have a hard time. Unless they're a principal, they won't have a hard time understanding that role. And so, what you want to be able to do is you want to be able to build up fellow leaders through networking. You want to be able to build your own colleague to where fellow leaders can relate to the stress of what you're going through, the decisions you make, the self-doubt you may have, and the wins also that you can celebrate with other people that are in the same boat or the same shoes that you're feeling. Over the past year, I've really made a concentrated effort to build my network through this podcast. I've had this podcast for a while, but I really thought starting in December, I really wanted to take it to the next level. So I made a commitment to really grow the podcast. But there's something that I learned along the way I wasn't prepared for. Because as I'm going through this podcast, I'm actually learning from other people and taking those things and applying them to my own work, the own everything that I do as a principal, not everything, but there's things that I have taken from guests that I've learned from that I actually apply or implement into my own work as a build-in principal at Hastings High School. So every guest has taught me something. I've always learned something, and here's some of the highlights. I can't get to all of them, and so I'm going to just give you a couple of highlights that I will talk about because I can be here for two hours if I want to talk about every guest on this show and what I've learned from them. So from episode 14, I talked to Principal Mo. And during that episode, I learned about a thing called Magic School AI. Well, I took that information, I actually brought Magic School in as a pilot. My teachers loved it, and we actually implemented that this year. So that was something that I learned from episode 14, having the conversation with Principal Mo. Now, episode 21 with Dr. Joe San Filippo, I read his book, Hacking Leadership. So I understood about telling your story, you know, share your narrative because if you don't, other people will. And so having him on the show was nice because I was able to reinforce some of the things that I have learned through some of his workshops and through some of the things he's done. So bringing him on the show and learning about some of the great things that he has done, but also being able to understand if you don't tell your story, someone else will. So you might as well do that. And that's where we built a really strong social media presence in the last three to four years now, where now you see all the positive things are happening at our school, which is really great. So that's another thing that I learned through this podcast. I had guests Dr. Darren Peppard and Casey Watts. So episode 31 and 36, they really leaned into the clarity piece. They really talk about bringing clarity to your staff, to your students, to the people that you lead, because you can't lead without it. And so, really, those are things I started thinking about how can I bring clarity to my job, to my role, to the people that I have. So I actually started communicating better just because I had these people on my podcast and I was able to share those things that I learned from them. And the number one person I would say I learned the most from was Coach Angela Kelly. Because before I even started the podcast, I actually was talking to her. She's a life coach, she's been a principal, she sat in a seat and learning some of the things about how to balance your work life, how to you know strengthen your leadership skills as you're balancing it, how to, you know, organize your calendar, how to there's a lot of things that I learned. But that person also helped me find a way to get through and be able to take that next step in my leadership, but also in my career. And that's where I landed a job at Hastings High because of her experience and her coaching me up to do that. And I really appreciate uh Angela Kelly for that. And also through that process, I was inspired by her podcast to start a podcast because I wanted to share other people's stories and I wanted people to learn the things that I learned so they didn't have to learn the hard way on some of those things. So those are just four people, or five people actually, that through just interviewing and having them on the show that I learned from, and I'm able to take those things and apply it to my actual job. So that was a great thing that I learned, and that's part of that network. And I'm able to meet people, not just statewide, regionwide, I'm also meeting people nationally and seeing all the cool things other people are doing, and how could I bring those things into my own leadership and to the building that I lead as well? So the next thing I want to talk about is I've learned being a podcaster, it's made me a better principal. So these things that I'm learning from, I'm becoming a better principal because of it. And actually, what I call it is free professional development. So I had a guest named Josh Tavar on my show. He's from the PGP podcast, and he says that podcasts are free PD because you may not have the budget, you may need to find ways to get professional development, and podcasts are really great. And I'll be honest, he's right about that. Those are things you need to know. I'm not just pumping up my podcast, but there's other people out there that I've been a part of their podcast as well, such as Transforming Lives Podcasts, leaning into leadership, out of the trenches, building a culture of collaboration, and the Empowered Principles podcast. All these have been guests on, they've been guests on mine, and there's a lot of people out there, like the Proud Principles podcast, two principles. There's a lot of them out there. I would suggest you guys take a look at them because there's something for everybody out there. The Aspiring Principles podcast with Dr. Donovan Small is another great one as well. Also, catching up with Casey is also a good one as well. I could go rattle off a bunch more, I'm but I'll I could be here all day doing that. So there's some other podcasts I would strongly recommend. You guys going out and checking those out because they are free PD, those are things you don't have to pay for, they're there for you, and it's for something that builds you and make you better. And apply some of the knowledge that you learn from them, and that's what I do just by doing this podcast. These opportunities that I've had by interviewing people, going on their podcasts, has opened the doors for things that I never thought were possible. I always thought it'd be cool to like be a guest speaker, or it'd be cool to present at a conference. And guess what? I'm gonna start doing I'm actually, you know, going to be presenting at the Nebraska State Principals Conference in December, which I'm totally excited about. So I'm really excited to take that next step to see how I could help other educational leaders become better. And I also, because I was on the PGP podcast with Josh Tavar, I met a man named Adam Lane, and this guy has given me the opportunity to be a guest speaker for an online training for the Nevada Educators Association. So I'm really excited about that opportunity as well. And I've never thought a few years ago that I'd be sitting in the seat that I am, and it's all because I decided to commit to this podcast and learn from other people, share their stories, and try to help other people. And that's my goal. And I want to help other educational leaders because they may be sitting out in that cornfield like I was about four years ago, and needing that, you know, some professional development, figuring out a way to grow in their role. Because the people around you are great. Don't get me wrong. I have great administrators around me, I have great support around me. But you know what? You just need people from the outside's perspective to help you with those things. And when you learn from the outside, there's things that you can bring in to help your school become the best they can be. And as leaders, if we take the best of what other everybody else is doing, and you can bring them in and you can actually make it work for you, that's building a strong leadership foundation for you to do well with the things that you have and have going for your school. So to my fellow principals and aspiring leaders out there, remember this you won't be prepared for everything. That's okay. Leadership can feel isolating, that's normal. But you don't have to be alone, it's a choice. So I challenge you to not sit there in isolation, but to find a community that you can learn with and helps you stay grounded. Because when you grow, your school grows as well. There you guys have it. You know, another you know, episode in the book for educational leadership podcast. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and you think of somebody out there that might like to hear this episode, I'd ask you to please share it. I'd also ask you to subscribe to this podcast on your favorite platform so you don't miss another exciting episode because you never know what I got coming out. You know, I got some great guests coming up, so I don't want you to miss anything you may want to hear in the future. And so with that said, always be curious and one percent better.